"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." Mark Twain
When did some-one last step on you, dear one?
When did some heavy heel squish the gorgeous flower that you are?
When did they squash you into smithereens with their clumsy misstep?
Who left you crumpled, 'damaged' and in pain?
Tell me dear. I offer you my loving ear. Off load your burdens. Put down your heavy baggage.
The question on the tip of my tongue is... have you forgiven them?
No... really.... honestly... don't pretend it's all good.... "yeah for sure Courtney I'm over it!"
You can't fool me! I can see it in your eyes.
Really really truly... have you let it go? It's a super dooper important question!
Unforgiveness and it's buddies resentment, bitterness and animosity are like slow releasing poisons in our system.
They underly depression, anxiety, cancers, self sabotage, addictions and the list goes on and on.
To be truly free and at peace in our lives we need to look those bad boys in the face!
Sooooo who's ready to forgive? Yay, let's do it together... right here... right now!
So before we dive into the blissful sea of forgiveness together, I must admit that I recently did some mud wrestling with a big blob of resentment.
I was walking along happily in my Bali paradise life when... WHAM... up came a situation where a 'clumsy heel' stepped on a few of my 'glowing flower petals!' (metaphorically speaking!)
Next, up came a stinky wave of resentment, bitterness and the sting of hurt. Ouch! Meditation has taught me to simply sit and feel it, instead of lash out. Breath by breath, I simply felt and watched.
The sting rippled through me like rocket fuel disguised as bitterness.
On the surface there was a barrage of thoughts telling me to retaliate and say the F-word...
F$#K YOU and the horse you rode in on!
But as I breathed curious awareness into each angry thought, more and more layers revealed themselves.
What I discovered at the bottom of the wave of emotion was my old friend unforgiveness.
The person who had stepped on just a few petals gave me the gift of highlighting a deep old hurt from the past. A hurt from a time when the flower (me) felt completely squished beyond recognition.
When seeing this, the recent person quickly transformed from the 'clumsy heel' into the helpful messenger who came along to alert me to some old unresolved pain. Bless them!
Just a few moments of conscious loving breath and the F-word went from F$#K YOU to forgiveness! The stinky poison of resentment became the sweet fragrance of love.
5 steps to go from F$#K YOU to forgiveness.
1. Feel it - Failed efforts at forgiveness result when we bypass the feeling. If the full feeling aint felt... the forgiveness is just a fake. Nice try though! Ha! Big reactions to small situations is an indicator that unforgiveness is lurking below the surface and ready for release. Feel, breathe, feel, breathe, feel, feel, feel! Forgiveness often occurs in layers so always be open to more feeling and more forgiving at each step on your life adventure. Sometimes so called 'mean and annoying' people are attracted into our lives to trigger the release of old deeper hurts. Breathe into whatever arises each day. The gems of peace, love and forgiveness underly all situations.
2. Express it indirectly - Not all emotions can be just felt and breathed into to be released. Sometimes we need to diffuse the charge by singing, dancing, screaming, running, painting, writing and talking with friends or trained coaches/counsellors like me! I love guiding people to unpack their heavy baggage and watching them peacefully fly off into the sunset! Hehe!
3. Express it directly - Sometimes we need to share how we are feeling directly to those who have triggered the hurt. Your instincts will guide you as to when, where and how. Be sure to own your feelings. Put your hand on your heart and express from a loving place. You deserve to be heard. If you keep having heated conversations with a person in your head it is an indicator that emotions still need to be expressed directly or indirectly.
4. Forgive - Many people try hard to forgive, mistaking it as an action. (Yep I tried this one too) GRRRBBRRRR ARRRRHHHHH! We push, pull and squeeze. We try, we pretend and we attempt and talk ourselves into it all being ok BUT this doesn't work. It just comes back to bite us on the bum down the track! When we have fully felt the hurt and resentment and we have fully expressed these emotions... forgiveness is the natural outcome. Forgiveness isn't an action... it is a deep surrender. Forgiveness occurs on the exhale.... in the moment that we let go and surrender to our essence of love.
Oh and don't forget to forgive yourself. Often we see the person coming and we willingly lay down before their big squishing heel. Acknowledge the mirror reflection that others offer and let yourself off the hook while you are at it!
5. Wake Up! - This is the fun part! This is where the ultimate joke of life is revealed! The cycle of hurt, pain, release and forgiveness is a natural part of life. Just as the night becomes day and the wave returns to the ocean. On a human level we need to surrender to the natural cycles of pain and pleasure, hurt and forgiveness. Yet on a divine level... the true essence of who you are is beyond any hurt. It may appear on the surface that you are crushed by a clumsy heel that can step on the stunning flower of who you are... BUT your true essence at the core has never and will never be touched by any hurt.
Go for it! Feel, breathe, express and surrender your way to forgiveness. If you would like some guidance the 4 week Wellness Adventure steps you through this process.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on what has worked for you with forgiveness. Please add to the discussion and share your thoughts and wisdom in the comments below. Also please share the love (this article) with your tribe!
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